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A Brief History of Female Friendship

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Tracing the evolution of besties from Victorian smashes and Boston marriages to 21st-century frenemies. Share this on Facebook: http://on.fb.me/1oZzpkV Share this on Twitter: http://ctt.ec/o4wg6 Subscribe: http://bit.ly/1l8JXv3 On the web: http://www.stuffmomnevertoldyou.com/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/momstuffpodcast Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/StuffMomNeverToldYou Google+: http://bit.ly/1kNchOQ Tumblr: http://stuffmomnevertoldyou.tumblr.com/ Instagram: http://instagram.com/stuffmomnevertoldyou# Extra Credit Listening: http://www.stuffmomnevertoldyou.com/podcasts/are-female-friendships-more-fraught-with-frenemies/ Join Cristen to get down to the business of being a woman and all the Stuff Mom Never Told You about bodies, boys and the female brain.
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Текстовые комментарии (137)
File Sender (21 день назад)
I dont understand other people's deep need for friendly companionship. I dont understand why they get lonely by being alone. However, I cannot forget how it felt good to have close female friends before. I was usually the kind, nice and helpful friend. I usually like the girls who are just simple, low profile and nice. It was really refreshing to hang out with those people who are also as deep as you.. I'm not discriminating others who aren't as deep as me, im just saying that im more drawn to people who are deep-thinkers and the ones who doesnt only think about drinking, partying and having superficial, senseless conversations and jokes. I understand too that nonsensical conversations are part of any relationship, its just that i also expect that sometimes, we also need to talk about things that truly matter. I also enjoyed joking about nonsensical things, im not that serious. But later on, there'll be a circumstance that will separate me from my friends. It's either she'll drop out of physical therapy because she thinks its hard, or she'll be going else where. Or someone will brainwash her to stay away from me. Sometimes, I think I'm cursed not to have lasting female friends. Or maybe, friendships are not always meant to last. Just like my female friends who dropped out of college, and the ones who remained are the ones that i dont like that much. I dont like them that much because they care so much about their popularity/appearance and i think they're superficial.. They will love you if you got the highest score in that one exam or you achieved something that made you popular for a while, and then they ignore you in time where you're at your lowest. I'm not that choosy, its just that i can sense if someone is superficial or not. a About being bullied.. Im not really sure if i will call it bullying because i was the one who beat them.. When i was in elementary, some group of boys wont leave me alone for some reason. It was really annoying. They will steal some of my belongings so that i'll get mad at them. Im not sure if those are bullying because i was the one who beat them and they were still happy while im beating them..i was also thankful that they never fought back lol.. i didnt also know why i was so confident and strong at that time. Being harassed by boys repeated when i reached high school, but its a little different. Some of them have some crush on me. Some of them are creepy and perverts. I dont think they're in love with me, they were just bored with their lives. They also get bitter if i didnt give them attention. I think i became low-profile because i got exhausted by all the attention. Now, I just enjoy peace without any drama. Luckily, the boys in college were not like that anymore. Im not also sure if it was called bullying, maybe it was when my gay classmate of mine brainwashed all my girl friends to turned against me. I was having sweet and nice relationships with them and then it just became sour just because of him. I dont dislike gay people, i still believe that judging gay people is a sin. Not all gays are mean like him. So that was some of my social life in case you're wondering. If you were a victim of bullying or unfortunate social experiences when you were still a kid, you have all my sympathy and i am trying to understand the pain that you have until now. Your experience doesnt define who you really are. Dont let it define you. Dont let the past prevent you from attaining happiness now and for the future. You get exhausted trying to maintain your ego because you probably didnt develop healthy ego when you were a kid. However, in my case, i am getting lots of benefits after i started banishing my ego (slowly).. I never felt this free and light. I think its really safe to banish your ego as long as you feel love in your heart. I believe that banishing ego without love in your heart can turn you into a psycho..but thats just my guess. also, who am i to give advice about chronic depression if i didnt experience it myself. I am not a masochist or martyr type, but helping you is like a dream coming true for me. but just be responsible not to transfer your pain to me.
File Sender (20 дней назад)
btw that was also not some serious type of beating, that was more like a joke type of beating. i wasnt that mean
Michael Skinner (1 год назад)
Why do you need to "guard" a friend....? If you trust them, there's nothing to worry about. "Guarding" just looks.... Uneasy and like someone has low self esteem? If people like you, they come to you
Michael Skinner (1 год назад)
T. BELL (1 год назад)
So maybe men are literally just for breeding purposes
Amanda Jean's Drawings (1 год назад)
all my best friends threw me out like trash as soon as they got a bf.
Teresa Lopez (1 год назад)
I owe my life to my best friend. I'm not brave enough to tell her myself. It's her that I would follow endlessly. I love her.
Leigh Hauserman (1 год назад)
the problem with comments or conclusions about one certain group of people is that humans are so complex and complicated. even if we want to say we're simple or whatever. no two people in the same group are going to behave exactly the same. that's how we have concepts like personally. if you have shitty friends that are girls, they're probably shitty friends because they're shitty people. they're people who say they have great friends that are girls and shitty friends that a boys.
Merrida100 (2 года назад)
Woman here.  To be honest, females can be catty and competitive, and undercut.  I've been hurt by more female friendships than male friendships, (which to me, have seem more direct).  Lots of backstabbing and drama.  Like there's always some type of competition, even unspoken.  It's very difficult to attain and maintain these friendships.
777scubadiver (2 года назад)
What is that rumble at 3:15?
Breanna May (2 года назад)
I'm lucky. My friends are true friends. They don't talk about me or other people behind their backs. We all genuinely want each other to succeed. And there's no competition. My motto for friendship is "Have the same taste in movies, and opposite taste in boys". The only problem I have with my friends is that we aren't close enough. I've always wanted that best friend that is like a sister. You can tell them absolutely anything, they hang out at your house, and they know your whole family. I had friendships like that when I was little, but I wasn't able to stay friends with any of them. All my friendships are with people I've met in the last year or two.
Teva Devere (2 года назад)
I am actually a guy but I could tell ya my relationships with other females are alot more emotionally connected
halfofakitty (2 года назад)
So in other-words it was a time of being biromantic? If not secretly gay in plain sight?
Becky Holmes (2 года назад)
I thought the same thing. It made me sorrrrrt of upset how she insisted on calling them "friendships" when they are obviously relationships.
halfofakitty (2 года назад)
+Spotted Purple huh?
halfofakitty (2 года назад)
+Tira Titz What's great exactly? I wasn't saying that with a mean tone, if that's what you meant. But it depends on what these friends did. She even said some of these "romantic friendships" had sex. That's an F-ing *relationship*. If they never had sex but did non-platonic things like making out, again, that's a *relationship*; even if they proclaim they never felt romantically. If they didn't just write eachother appreciatory platonic love letters then those were most likely romantic love letters *and they were in a realtionship*. It's just... relationship erasure? I've even seen some old bromance photos where they either took it at an awkward frame or they were actually looking romantically into eachothers eyes. I'm not saying "romantic friendships"/bromances/womances can't exist; I'm just saying they have to do platonic things.
Tira Titz (2 года назад)
I think it sounds great.
Stardustceiling (2 года назад)
I know a lot of your viewers are very young but here's an older womans take on having female friends. I found it somewhat easy to find them and have fun with them in my teens and twenties. But, I hit my thirties and all the women were getting married and having children. Well, I wasn't and without that in common I found that I couldn't make friends as a mature adult woman. Because I wasn't doing play dates for my kids or PTA meetings etc. like the other women my age. Even though I did get married in my middle thirties, I chose not to have children and nothing changed. I still had inexplicable difficulty in finding female friends.  I'm now a little over fifty and still no female friendships though I would love to have some. I wonder if it's so hard for other women after a certain age? My husband is making friends right and left through his hobby and I though I am happy for him I find myself being a bit envious too, because I'd like the same success. It's sad that I have found women to be competitive and fair weather in their friendship over the years also. It feels so unnecessarily isolating. So thanks for bringing this topic up and asking questions, it is something that we should examine. And I think women should be more loyal and kind to each other. It's hard enough to be a woman in a " mans world " without feeling like none of them have your back.
Breanna May (2 года назад)
From what I've seen, it is not at all hard for women to make friends as adults if they try. If they have kids, they tend to meet that way. But a lot of my aunts aren't married and don't have kids, yet they have great friends. Do you know any people from work? What about joining a sports club, lesson, ect? What about neighbours? I've found that as people get older, they forget that it takes work to build a friendship. You don't just automatically become friends with people, you have to find a way to see them regularly until a stronger bond has formed.
halfofakitty (2 года назад)
Where exactly did she get the "smash" slang fact? I can't find it on google.
Amani Kharrez (2 года назад)
0:58 are you sure they're not just deep in the closet.
Lindsey Wong (2 года назад)
No wonder a movie I saw whos setting took place in the late 19th/early 20th century had women kissing each other so much.
Arushi Gupta (2 года назад)
It is easier to make girlfriends as a sixteen- year old than it was two years back. Girls and essentially, the nature of our friendships has evolved so much with maturity!
Soros Phuvix (2 года назад)
I had one friend that I had throughout middle school, we were inseparable and everyone thought we would be friends forever, But when i moved and went to a different high school, there started to be a lack of communication, mostly on her part on never responding. Then eventually she moved as well, very very far away, and I'm lucky if I hear from her once a year. Just after a while of not getting a response of any sort, you tend to stop trying altogether. Of course I hold no ill will or resentment towards her, and I hope she doing fine and is having the best time of her life in whatever college she went too. However I distinctly remember her becoming pretty mean, selfish, and always shoved her "problems" onto me, and I always felt so, sorta like only there for her benefit. So in a way I'm glad we stopped talking before things turned ugly. The other friends she had usually left me out of conversations or snubbed me. But I have to thank her for introducing me to my current best of all best friends, that I truly hope lasts throughout my lifetime. This beautiful person still contacts me and wanted to see me even after me moving and then eventually going to a college far away as well. She is also one of the "problems" my ex-friend shoved onto me, but boy oh boy she is nothing of the sort.
OverWatchJojo (2 года назад)
Whenever I hang out with my female friends I feel alone... I'm normally only talked to if nobody else is around. I have four great female friends and than the rest are my guy friends.
Breanna May (2 года назад)
/ Nogeko / That's good! I'm so glad things worked for you. Friendships can get so much better within a year.
OverWatchJojo (2 года назад)
Breanna May That was me last year. I've already begun talking to everyone I see and I feel like I'm the epitome of a Social Butterfly. My evolution is pretty neat.
Breanna May (2 года назад)
it's not up to them to talk to you. You need to go up and start a conversation. Until there is a connection, they don't care about losing your friendship. It's not mean, they just have no reason to want to be your friend. So start talking to them first, or invite them to hang out. If it's a big group, try being the life of the group. Attract attention so that they think to talk to you first. Friendships aren't just suddenly formed, you have to put in some effort. And if it still doesn't work, drop them. Find some new people to hang out with. Not everyone is going to find you worthy of building a meaningful friendship, but there are certainly enough people that will.
Cara Garcia (2 года назад)
A lot of people are just not capable of bonding with others anymore. It not only affects friendships but marriages and families. Male friendships are not always that stable either. After a break some ex-girlfriends will date his best friend just to end the friendship. It really bothers guys for some reason. I don't know why guys even tell me this stuff. Personally I'd be happy to be rid of both of them.
mcsmaria28 (3 года назад)
Girls (and women) are so mean to one another.I've been backstabbed by many a girlfriend (and if we're being honest, I've done back stabbing myself as a girl).I find it so upsetting that these relationships are so fragile. Any idea or research as to why?
accidentsafe (3 года назад)
All women hate me so I stopped trying.
Meme Dream (3 года назад)
Also, bullshit on the "more emotional and communicative." I hate showing my emotions and hate socializing.
Meme Dream (3 года назад)
Back in elementary I only had male friends. Now I only have female friends. I don't know.
Hatsune Miku (3 года назад)
I love a boy now though
Hatsune Miku (3 года назад)
I'm a girl, and I have a friend and I love, love her, but she only loves me as a friend and thinks lesbians are gross so that makes me sad
Serria Yisasia (3 года назад)
I seem to take to male best friendships more because girls always seemed to be very mean or not truly there to be my friend in my earlier life. I know how my mind works.
Alive and Dead (3 года назад)
My best friend moved to Houston (I live in California), so I really never hear from her anymore. So, I just sit here awaiting the day when we finally meet again. I really do miss her...
Amelia Emilia (3 года назад)
My mum is over 80 years old and she has many female friends. There are three of them  that she met  when they were teenagers. They have been close friends for over 65 years. They are very,very  supportive of each other and have shared the good and the bad times in each other lives.
Tardis NerdyNerd (3 года назад)
My best friend and I have been friends for longer than I can remember, I don't even remember meeting her. So I think that female friendships formed in early years can last if they try and are open-minded. (I am 17, she is in her 20s) also it's like that with any friendship, if you don't put in any effort then you shan't stay friends, also I've "broken up with" some friends because they weren't very nice/relatable and I have semi-high standards. However as I find that I don't have many friends offline I seek out people like myself and occasionally strike up a conversation. Also by semi-high standards I simply mean that they have to be nice and open-minded.
Priya Lalll (4 года назад)
I think that female friendship is often devalued by the media as `bitchy`, when women are actually incredibly supportive of each other. I know that there are negative sides of female friendship but I often think that in the media male friendship is elevated above all others. In my experience male friendship can be really harmful for different reasons than female friendship. Man are often competitive with each other, they are unable to express their feelings to each other and they reinforce gender norms. I am often shocked at the way men treat each other in friendship. People may mock and sneer at girly friendship rules but I have never seen a women treat each other in the same cruel way, e.g. constantly mocking each other or hitting on each others partners, in the same way men do. We have a word for that- bitchy. Perhaps, it is time period put an honest light on make friendship.
G. Judith (4 года назад)
Some years ago I had 2 best friends but then circumstances etc. changed and I got to know Isabel. In the beginning we haven't officially called each other best friends because officialy we had other best friends. Today I know no one will feel offended when I say she's my closest friend. It's just perfect, for more than 4 years now actually. Not just because we talk about everything that moves us emotionally but also because we aren't competing in any way. We know the other one will always support and stand behind us. We know the other one appreciates, adores and loves us a lot even though the other one saw us when we were really really down. I can not live without her because she's an awesome woman who always brings me back to myself and on the right track when I'm in a chaos. E.g. dancing together always is fun, relaxed, in harmony and even looking more professional than it actually is. Female friendships rock!! ;)
Ellie Smith (4 года назад)
It's fun having girl friends until they start getting jealous. I don't like to brag but I am what people like to call a 'natural beauty' and that doesn't exactly help you in the department of making genuine friends. It just seems like girls these days can easily feel threatened by someone who's prettier than them. And if they notice (which they most certainly will) that you're capturing the attention of guys around you and having a great time, they will make life hell for you. Sometimes I wish I was a little more plain but you gotta work with the cards you're dealt right?
MoneyMoss4ever (4 года назад)
Miss Nevada???
Brooke Henry (4 года назад)
Most of this stuff should get better with age. It's tough when everyone is insecure, and it's easy to see people who have what you want (looks, brains, attention, etc.) as a threat. But as you and your peers get more mature a whole lot of the jealousy goes away, or at least gets dealt with better. Right now I would just suggest hanging out in dude-free environments and being honest (but tactful) with each other about your feelings.
talkingpurplecamera (4 года назад)
i never had this problem maybe its because i only hang out with other odd balls regardless of there gender.
Kyrsten Kline (4 года назад)
My best friend is Emily and she is my longest standing and closest friend for the past nine years ^_^ like a sister and a confidant to me! Wouldn't trade her for anything! Always there for me, always believes in me even when I'm ready to call it quits. I love her so much and I hope she knows it! Definitely my 'smash', perhaps without the love letters :P 
Papahip531 (4 года назад)
Me and my besties will just go to each others house sit in a room and either draw or read or listen to music, we just don't interact for like an hour or two, we like to just be in each others' precences. We do do stuff but that's about 2-3 hours into our visits.
Martha H. (4 года назад)
My best friend managed to help me through my depression. When I thought no one was there for me, she was. It must have been hard for her, but she still is here today  with me.
LeeEL Y (4 года назад)
I am lucky to have a few very close female friends, but I have one that I have known for 7 1/2 years.  There is something so special about that.  She knows me inside out, and is basically part of my family.  We are sisters of the heart, and sometimes she even just comes to my house to hang out with my family before she comes to hang out with me.  We see each other almost every weekend and I could not be more lucky.  I think we have the 19th century girlmance thing going on.   I also have another female best friend who I haven't known as long but who is also very dear to me, she's also really comfortable with my family and we always go on adventures together.  She makes me laugh no matter what :)  We are also like sisters, but of a different kind.
NH.-B (4 года назад)
Where are the research sources, Cristen?
NH.-B (4 года назад)
I have a really good friend who just recently moved to another state, but whenever I Skype her, I see how close of friends we really are--and I would consider her my "bestie"...because, somehow, we can make it work.. :))
Emma Kate (4 года назад)
It's hard our here for a bestie
Calliope the Fangirl Extreme (4 года назад)
Long story short, Homestuck has the perfect example of girl freindship in a differently labeled package called troll romance. Check it out in one way or another.
Meg Keefe (4 года назад)
I was manipulated and, to some extent, emotionally abused by my ex-bestie of nine years. It was so hard to cut things off, but it was also totally worth it. She greatly decreased my self esteem and contributed, in some sense, to my social anxiety. I'm so much happier now that I have found people who are actually nice to me and treat me well.
Alaina Rhodes (4 года назад)
One of the most annoying things about being a girl to me is that when there's a group of us and someone leaves, everyone IMMEDIATELY starts talking shit about the girl who just left. It is so irritating.
Breanna May (2 года назад)
That hasn't happened to me in years. The only time we'll talk about someone after they leave is if it's something nice or helpful. Like if someone leaves to go to class, we'll say "Jane is going to do great on that presentation" or " She looked sad today. Let's ask her what's wrong after school". You need some new friends.
Victoria Broadnax (4 года назад)
Friends shouldn't talk about other friends…. Maybe you should get new friends *not trying to be mean*
Vina M (4 года назад)
Oh my God, I agree, I don't even want to hear what they say about me when I leave.
Esmeralda2diamon (2 года назад)
I had a few girls friends before and a best friend but after sveenth grade I was left out  because I was a tomboy and they were in to makeup and boys. Later in high school I got some new friends but it wasnt until I begin  at the unviersty then I got my really best girls friends. I have bad exeprince with boys in general sence I was bullied by boys in my childhood years. But now I have few friends that are boys too. I never had bad exeprince with girls other than they left me out because I didnt fit in.
kitty (4 года назад)
I tend to have a small group of close friends, and then one or two "BEST" friends. I have my best friend who I've known since we were babies (Our moms were friends and our older sisters were friends.) but she has moved to a different state. And even though we don't talk every single day, she's still my best friend and I would be there for her in a heartbeat if she needed me, and I know she'd be there for me too. And then I have one of my best friends that I've only known for a year or so, and a group of close friends. Other than that I kind of get along with everyone.
kitty (4 года назад)
I guess, yeah, kinda! I have a few more friends that I hang out with a lot, but only one of them is really close. And then I have my best frien that moved.
NH.-B (4 года назад)
So, you're basically Lizzie McGuire...? *sincerely meant as a compliment.
Justine Haley (4 года назад)
I've been friends with my best friend since the very first day of kindergarten, we met on the bus when I sat down next to her and simply introduced myself and now we're in 10th grade in high school and we're still best friends. I don't even want to know how my life would've turned out if it weren't for sitting down next to her that day. 
Janna Kathleen (4 года назад)
I've always had trouble keeping longterm female friendships, mostly because I'm a hermit who hates leaving the house. After highschool, I stopped seeing them as often because some moved and took different career/schooling paths. But my guy friends still remain more or less the same. I think they tend to be less offended by the long silences between our conversations and coffee dates.
Stacey Smith (4 года назад)
There is a girl who was my best friend since we were 7 (13 years ago) and for some reason recently has just started ignoring me. What's worse is that when my other "friends" (I don't think that's what they have been lately) say something that offends and upsets me, she sides with them and makes me feel like I have overreacted even when I haven't. This has led me to believe what my mum always tells me... Girls are horrible.
angela celestre (4 года назад)
i'd rather hang out with myself than with, than with a bunch of fakes and liars : )
Emily Carlisle (4 года назад)
Remlap42 (4 года назад)
me and my best friend have been friends since we where 3
nathan jordan (4 года назад)
Samuel Jackson (4 года назад)
women are not  NOT more cut out for friendship Guys have JUST as  close best  friends we just dont BFF out about it We dont do frenemy crapola LOL @  how fucked up girls are to each other, CRUEL pranks, gossip,  bitchyness, and such 
April Rosa (4 года назад)
I had to let go of my two best girl friends within the same year a few years ago. They both betrayed me in very real ways and it still hurts me to think about. I haven't really had a girl friend since then, and I don't know if I want to. I'm still trying to figure that all out, such is life. /sobstory lol. Jesus, my husband and my dog are the closest to my heart.
CampingforCool41 (4 года назад)
I had a friend from about 7th grade through 10th who I was so close with that I considered her to be my sister....she is still my friend, but that same bond has faded and I get very depressed sometimes because it has been so long since I have had a remotely satisfying relationship with anyone.  I'm not sure if I have social anxiety...I have no trouble speaking up in class, in fact, I probably seem like a professor's pet, but when it comes to casual conversation I just really cannot do it.  I get very nervous and the racing thoughts completely block out any way of having a normal, relaxed conversation.
Bianca Bardsley Hale (3 года назад)
+CampingforCool41 You can do it! I had similar experiences when I was in Junior high. A thing to remember... the people around you are often just as scared of you as you are of them. They worry you'll judge them just like you may worry. So a goal maybe, for when you try, and please! Do try!, a goal could be to make the person you are talking to comfortable, and try to non-verbally send them a message of acceptance. (I realize the issue may be that you are not comfortable, but as soon as you try to pay attention to them, make them comfortable, you stop worrying as much about yourself, and all the things racing through your mind) I just hope you take my advice and get a better experience than mine was. I believe in you!
AShineeStarlitInSomniac (4 года назад)
at the moment, i don't have a best friend. at best, i have associates :/ 
Jan Škopek (4 года назад)
I have a friend, she is emotionally based girl, I as a guy am not. But she is oftenly complaining about myslef being excessively genuine about stuff. She minds me for being straightforward, she even minds me, being realistic. wich is something I simply cannot get over my head. I would really appreciate an advice.
Jan Škopek (4 года назад)
Thank you for your advice, much appriceated :)
Whitewings12 (4 года назад)
I am similar to you I have a practical view towards things, only I'm female. My sister is in the same manner as your friend. She's "emotionally based." some points on how to handle an overwrought best friend is: 1. Be Calm! It might get worse if you panic with your friend who is already unstable emotionally.  2.Stay Strong, if your friend is over reactive and cries over every small thing. To handle your over emotional friend you must be strong enough to console her in every situation. IT CAN BE DIFFICULT.   3. Be direct and blunt sometimes, it gets annoying to listen to the same depressing story of your friend over and over again. When your friend gets on your nerve, be blunt and explain that she is overreacting. Being emotional is good in life, but being overemotional and thinking only through feelings will never get you through life. 4. Be a guide. An over emotional friend could go astray from her life and goals because of not thinking practically. You must always be a guide to your friend and show them the way when they lose track. 5. To handle overly emotional people you must be able to balance them. You need to have a practical view towards things that your friend overreacts to. Be sure that your friend does not do something she'll regret later.   I obtained the tips from this website. I hope it assists you but if not then search for: Overly Emotional Friend. Read more at: http://www.boldsky.com/relationship/beyond-love/2014/how-to-handle-an-overly-emotional-friend-20140206145112.html#slide517075
LitcheTheArsm (4 года назад)
well.. I basically have 2 best friends and one close friend. my close friend is currently studying several hours away from me so we basically meet once a few months, but we text quite alot to keep up with each others lives, and one of my best friends is my cousin who also lives far away from me. My cousin and I don't really HAVE to get in touch that often. We simply pick up from where we left off whenever we have time and our relationship never falters so it's pretty awesome. Bu my closest and best friend... well. I wish we could see each other more often but because she has social anxiousness she sorta wants to meet once a week tops but we text each other everyday, unless she's having a "bad week" where I won't hear from her at all no matter how much I try to contact her. It really sucks because she means the world to me and I feel like can't do much to help.. We've been best friends for almost ten years and I worry everyday about what I can do to help her, 'should I say this, should I do that', 'would it get worse if I said this' etc. etc.
Alisha T (4 года назад)
Girls can be very nasty and it is not easy forming/maintaining long-lasting friendships. But there's a sense of fulfillment when you find people who you really get along with + just let you be! :) I am 22 and i have two friends whom I've been friends with for 22 years; two friends from school that I've known for 11 years :D 
heather shea (4 года назад)
I don't have many female friends I get along with guys more.
meganburns101 (4 года назад)
 On another subject, I am in my late twenty somethings and I have avoided make up, but I can’t get away with it any longer. I have asked glamazons and beauticians about a complete skin care regiment. Sadly all I get in return is disbelief, as if I was joking. Please help.
meganburns101 (4 года назад)
Because of the existence of “frenemies” I tend to stay away from women all together.
BronzeElf (4 года назад)
omg I just watched mean girls for the first time 1 hour ago.
sheepycake (4 года назад)
The men having a less fragile relationship thing is right XD my best friend and i are more "manly" not by physique but personality wise and we are closer than most best friends X)
Erica Lee_Mott (4 года назад)
When I was younger I tended to just hang with the guys, but when I finished with High School I met my best friend. She moved far away but we still keep good contact with each other with the understanding that life gets in the way sometimes. Before her, I had never met another girl who I have shared such a connection with. Our friendship means a lot to each other and we've both helped each other through some of the worst times. I have also met another female friend, who seems to also becoming a "best friend" of mine. We have similar life experiences and similar opinions on a lot of things, and at the end of the day when one of us needs to come over and rant or just be a goof, we're there. I think friendship is held differently by each person and one of the keys to a good friendship is being open with each other about expectations ect. I also, think that girls need to love each other more and not treat every other girl like your enemy but more so of a distant comrade. You never know who is going to touch your life next and that is kind of the beauty of friendship. 
rebel titania (4 года назад)
I'm a lesbian and my best friend also happens to be my girlfriend. We cook together, watch tv with each other, do school work together, we sleep together. We're each others' rocks and we make each other laugh each and every day!
Jane Baker (4 года назад)
I have a friend and though I may consider her my best friend and she says I'm one if her favorite people even over her boy friend at school she turns into a totally different person. She barely talks to me and leaves me to fend for myself in social situations like making new friend just so I'm not all alone throughout the day. Also we used to text and video chat frequently she never texts me anymore. I am always the one starting the conversation and she never seems very involved in them anyway. The worst thing is she is gorgeous and funny and everyone loves her, while in the mean time I'm average and nothing too special. And while I say all theses things about her she is one of the only people that show interest in me at all and I don't want to loose that. Can you please help me cope with this situation if you can in anyway?
Jan Škopek (4 года назад)
try to not be too compulsory, Too much initiative do not have to be the best way. I don't really know the situation, thus I do not mean to give an absolute solutions. I hope you'll be fine. :)
wateronfire19 (4 года назад)
being a friend is actually really hard. speaking from a high-school girl's perspective, there's a shit ton of drama and no time to deal with everything. work (school or otherwise), after-school activities, boyfriends, and friends? not to mention keeping oneself healthy and sleeping, and maybe a hobby. it's really no wonder girls don't always like each other, they're too stressed out to put up with people who would otherwise be considered friends. 
Valerie Jupe (4 года назад)
bees knees boodle-lally? bootlegged gin!
Luciano Martinez (4 года назад)
Guy fight, 9 minutes later: YO WASSUP MY DJ XD Girl fight, 9 years later: look at that chick she looks like she was dressed by a blind kid
Sandi Benedum (4 года назад)
Sarah Fridley (4 года назад)
I'm a girl, and I don't have any female friends... Friendships with girls never work out for some reason
emiwarble (4 года назад)
Me personally, I'd like to just have one bestie/ girlfriend that I could always hang out with. I find that when I hang out with a bunch of girls... someone is going to get dropped... and that someone was me.
Viancy Moncada (2 года назад)
I feel your pain. Even with 2 friends I kind of get left out.
Yareri Cázares (4 года назад)
I have what you would call a girl BFF, but she doesn't live in my country... So I know what you mean!
Sandi Benedum (4 года назад)
yup...me too
Q. Lawrence (4 года назад)
Cristen, thank you for your videos. I would like to see the history on cross gender friendships. That is the path that has chosen me, despite the obvious social norms. 
thomas m. tordel jr. (4 года назад)
eehh.. not brief enuf... keep tryin'
Piiu Pilt (4 года назад)
Most of my friends are male. I like to say that it's because I don't have common interests with majority of women (yeah, because IT is such a ~manly~ subject), but in reality I find it really difficult to get along with them. It far too easy to unintentionally insult a woman or even worse - make a fool out of yourself in her eyes, especially if you don't fit some kind of norm how a woman should behave like... which I often do not. Therefore I'm constantly stressed when talking with women and have started to avoid doing it.
Dawn (4 года назад)
It's so difficult keeping a friendship going now a days. I keep on asking people to get together and about 80% of the time they tell me they are too busy or too tired or they tell me that they'll check their calendar and they never get back with me. It also seems one sided since they never invite me out. For someone who has struggled with social anxiety and low self esteem most her life, this really hurts me deeply. Sad to say, I have never had a friend I could tell all my secrets to and I'm almost 40!!
Dawn (4 года назад)
It's so difficult keeping a friendship going now a days. I keep on asking people to get together and about 80% of the time they tell me they are too busy or too tired or they tell me that they'll check their calendar and they never get back with me. It also seems one sided since they never invite me out. For someone who has struggled with social anxiety and low self esteem most her life, this really hurts me deeply. Sad to say, I have never had a friend I could tell all my secrets to and I'm almost 40!!
Jaimes (4 года назад)
I've had the same best friend for 12 years now, which is saying something since I was never very good at making friends and keeping them due to agoraphobia and other disabilities that I won't go into here. I met my besty online in 2002, and it is one of the most fundamental truths in my life: she will be there for me, and she trusts that I will be there for her. We're so different in so many ways: she's an extrovert, I'm an introvert; she's 6'1" and likes to wear platform shoes, corsets, and all manner of frilly things, I wear classic styles (jeans, cardigans, sweatshirts, linen pants, tank tops, and button up shirts tend to be my summer uniform. I like simple and comfortable, she likes lots of crazy color and cutting edge styles. But we know each other so well that when she asks me if an outfit looks good on her, I am able to switch my brain to Liv mode so that I can see it from her perspective. I know what she loves, her dreams, her aspirations, her fears, and she knows everything about me. Our secret to success (we haven't had an argument in years) is that we have a strict honesty policy. Everything we say has to be true, and while we can leave things out of conversation that aren't important, we owe it to each other to bring up any concerns, hurt feelings, misunderstandings, etc. for discussion ASAP so that nothing starts festering.
Taylor Nicole (4 года назад)
Thank you for being a role model
XsweetstarliteX (4 года назад)
lmao brief History...that starts in 17th century? I was thinking ancient civilizations in Africa and Asia.
Kimberly Gaona (4 года назад)
I honestly have tried to have close friends; however, they haven't been the been the best (even after knowing each other for 6 years they back stab you). So I just decided to keep people as acquaintance and not true friends, because they are extremely hard to find.
Selena Salo (4 года назад)
I've always gotten along better with males than females since I was a toddler. I just find that males are usually easier to get along with and most of my interests are "masculine interests" eg: video games, science, anime and manga and firearms (in my opinion interests should not be gendered) I think it's because more women give in to societal pressure than men so they act like the girls in Mean Girls because they think that'show they're supposed to act instead of standing up for themselves. Men dont have quite as much pressure on them so it's easier for them to break away.
Stephie (4 года назад)
To answer your question, I don't have any serious friendships. All of my friends are just people that I joke around and make small talk with. Sometimes I wish I could be a bit closer to someone.
My old friends of elementary school we were close. We always told each other out secrets and not just your normal Whose your crush?" Kind of secrets. We told each other really dark ones. We're still close now. I remember a fight happened at my school once between these two girls we thought were friends. Turns out they were fighting over a guy. Lol you seriously want to lose a good friend over some guy you're probably going to break up within a week?
Amanda Segura (4 года назад)
It's just unimaginable support from people you're comfortable crying in front of in the hard times and people who will share a laugh at the silly things in the good time. Also, having a safety net if you forget a tampon is great.
Spicy Salsa (4 года назад)
I think a big reason why friendships between girls tend to be more fragile is because of the competitiveness between women due to outside influence such as the media telling women that in order to be loved and valued by men, we need to meet an impossible set of standards - particularly the laundry list of attributes needed to be considered "pretty." This message is problematic for a number of reasons (hetero-normative, stressing importance on being valued by men, etc.) but it directly affects female friendships by making women extremely insecure about themselves - if you were being told your value hinged upon your physical appearance you'd be constantly obsessing over it, too. These insecurities can flare up when your best friend meets these societal standards and you don't - the imbalance can be seen as a huge threat to one woman's value because she's being constantly told by the media that to be valuable you have to be "hot," and if your friend is considered hotter than you then why would any guy pick you over her? This is incredibly toxic and can RUIN a friendship. This doesn't happen as much in male relationships because, in the eyes of society, men have other things they can fall back on to be considered valuable/suitable for dating such as personality, skills, or financial capabilities. So, if one dude is more physically attractive its not as big a deal because the imbalance doesn't completely threaten the other's standing with women and society. So, since female friendships are more susceptible to this kind of friendship-ruiner, they appear to be more fragile than male friendships.
Jan Škopek (4 года назад)
I would say, that girls are somehow trying to complicate things rather than clear up. I would also tell that guys are not so sensitive on unobtrusive implying and thinking that she things that I think that he thinks ... I basically agree with you.
ゆり (4 года назад)
I've had many best friends in my early teens, but by now at age nineteen, I've been burned so many times by the people I called 'best friends' that I'm practically allergic to the word. I've had 'best friends' turn around and bully me with the people I had first defended them from. I've had 'best friends' replace me. I often ended up thinking something was wrong with me, that I was somehow such a terrible friend that everyone did that--but it turns out it wasn't just me who goes through these things, which really is sad. And all these best friends? Girls. Some of my closest friends now are girls, but there seems to be a certain period where a lot of girls see each others as more rivals or enemies than real friends, which can result in a lot of pain for those who thought their friendships were genuine. 
Breanna May (2 года назад)
I'm definitely not blaming you, because it isn't your fault, so sorry if my comment comes across that way. I'm 18, so we're basically the same age. It's possible you're doing something wrong unknowingly. That used to happen to me a lot, with all my friends. But then I started talking to a whole new group of people. It hasn't happened since. Yes I've drifted apart from some friends, but there hasn't been a falling out in years for me. You might be becoming friends with girls who aren't mature enough yet or are overly competitive. When girls are self concious, that's when they get competitive. If they're happy with who they are, they will have no reason to want to see you fail. Also, I suggest not relying too much on these friendships. Be your own person and have a separate life away from your best friend, that way it's less painful if it doesn't work out.
ゆり (4 года назад)
Yes, it really doesn't help anyone! Competition is also often encouraged by mothers who feel rivalry with each other, and each push their daughter to be better than her friend. It's prevalent towards the east, and a lot of friendships can end up falling apart disastrously. It's pretty traumatizing for both parties. ;___;
Yeah, competition between girls can get fierce, which is unfortunate because it really doesn't help anybody at the end of the day.
momokokochuchuchu (4 года назад)
idk i guess ive just been lucky. im best friends are the same best friends ive had since I was a kid, and i love em. 
Jan Škopek (4 года назад)
sounds perfect.
Sarai Pope (4 года назад)
I am highly unattracted to men who can't/don't sustain a weirdly close bromance. My husband has so many man friends that I can hardly keep track of them all. It's like having multiple husbands sometimes, and it's honestly really nice to have the help when I need it! 
viefpief (4 года назад)
I have always had two or three female friends max. I get along better with male people, in general, and my "girlfriends" are like me in that way. There is one girl i've known for almost 6 years and we've been through a lot... We are going to grow old together and arrange playdates for our kids, i am sure. She's family.
Loreki (4 года назад)
The fragile nature of female friendship, and tendency for it to get uglier quicker when there's a falling out, may be a result of womens' more developed social skills. They cultivate these intricate social circles in which subtle slights and careful insults can do serious damage, while men are more likely to get into physical confrontation. We're somewhat conditioned to see the latter as worse but frankly, I'd rather you just broke my nose and got it over with than spent months sniping at me!
SaraMakesArtX (4 года назад)
Personally, I'd rather have a straight up enemy than a frenemy. I like to know where I stand with people.
SaraMakesArtX (4 года назад)
Personally, I'd rather have a straight up enemy than a frenemy. I like to know where I stand with people.
Aeloriel Rise (4 года назад)
I have no female friends because they are just annoying and sometimes, hard to please.
Lars Haugen (4 года назад)
All my friends are dead :(
Emmi Collins (4 года назад)
Hello friends! 15 year old all girls school goer here. It's very hard to find real friends. True friends are cherished because they are hard to find. :)
Agreed. And, honestly, I don't think we can truly maintain deep, intimate friendships with more than a few people. That kind of relationship is a major time/emotional investment!
Courtney Pauley (4 года назад)
I can't have best friends. It's not possible.
SydTheGoat (4 года назад)
you look confident, empowered, comfortable, sexy
Leilani (4 года назад)
2:45 Judy Red in the Morning

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