A 14-year-old asks Cristen for help about not wanting kids and how to deal with people who say she will one day. Cristen also shares her own feelings on becoming a mother.
Share this on Facebook: http://on.fb.me/1j4j8Uo
Share this on Twitter: http://ctt.ec/JbLS5
On the web: http://www.stuffmomnevertoldyou.com/
Extra Credit Listening:
Join Cristen to get down to the business of being a woman and all the Stuff Mom Never Told You about bodies, boys and the female brain.
The problem is that so many people with kids start to identify themselves, and their lives, by the fact that they have children, so they can no longer perceive the concept of NOT having them. So they don't understand the viewpoint of people who don't want children, and instead, they try to push their own views on them. It sucks so much...
she is hitting the nail on the head choice over duty. Dont forget the baby boomers are good portion of the population and they are getting up there. Hopefully the population steadies over the years to the same number after the baby boomers. So it is her choice. but the population is going take a dive after the baby boomers. Soo
As a child I was abused both physically and mentalily. When I got to adulthood, I knew there was a possibility that becasue I was an abused child, I could as records would show, be a child abuser. Thus to break the chain and aviod the possibitity, I never wanted children. For one reason or another I've been married and divorced three times. Prior to all three at some point in the early dating process, I'd deliberately ask about the possibility of having children and if their answer's was yes. I'd break off the relationship and look for another. The women I eventually married all answered a definate "NO" when asked about having children in out future, and thus the dating eventuall lead to the alter. It was never more than two years into the marriage when, for whatever reason they changed their minds and wanted at least one child. It was then that I discused my early past and the deceision not to have children out of the fear of possibilities, which records would show is more than likely than not for me to be an abuser.
All three times, it came down to sink or swim, meaning we will have kids or we will split up. All three times, inorder to make the realationship work, we had one or to two children. Beasue of my fear which was with just cause, becasue I did at one point find myself abuseing one of my children. Though I was able to stop, I made it apoint to be less involved with them then a father should be. Doing such caused conflicts with my spouse and the conflicts lead to our eventual divorce.
Thankfully I old now, and so is my current wife, which make her number four. She is well beyound child bearing years, thus it's no longer an issue. Though my first three marriges combined were only 10 years, my present marriage is a bit past 13 and still going strong.
I concur that if and when a person brings up the question of having children in the future. They folow suit and don't change their minds. It will always turn out to be a bad or sad situation, ALWAYS.
I would like to know what it's like to have a child one day but people that choose to be child-free I'm not against them either because to be honest a child is not for everybody I have tons of friends who don't want to have children and you know what that's fine like I said children are not for everyone I don't get why people would attack you guys for it
I myself HAVE enjoyed the company of kiddies; however, I don't want my own, because life is stressful enough already (eg just something like remembering how to reassemble a new type of hoover!), without having the responsibility of children.
I think asking about anyone's fertility issues is out of line and it is none of anyone's business but the two immediate people that are actually raising that said child. I don't want to hear a single thing from you unless you, the person asking about someone's fertility, is willing to be providing for the child and actively spending the energy, money and time in raising this child.
Quite honestly, I think everyone gets judged no matter what choice you make. You get judged when you chose not to have children, you also get judged for how many children you and your partner decide to have, for the sex of the child that you pop out (or your partner pops out, as if people can chose!!) and even on how you raise your child(ren)!! Are you familiar with the whole mom-shaming (or dad-shaming! I'm sure that exists too even tho it might be less common)? I say do what you want and what works for you as long as there is no abuse, neglect or immediate harm to anyone.
Besides- asking about other people's fertility issues totally negates the fact that some people cannot have biological children for medical reasons (to the fault of no one 99.99% of the time of course!) and it is unkind and unhelpful to ask about their fertility issues. Lets be sensitive, kind and compassionate to those people. People struggling with fertility do not owe you a 5-page public explanation of why they cannot have a child.
I'm asexual and I don't want children. I know that there can actually be good times and you can really enjoy having children, but I don't think I would be a good mother. Maybe I can adopt a child one day, but I'm never having own children.
Also I think it's really hilarious how everybody understands you, if you don't wanna have a pet. But if you don't wanna have a baby? How dare you!?
It is OK not to want kids. I didn't want kids myself... Yet here I am 27years old and 12 weeks pregnant. 😥 I will hug every woman who say "I have no kids" and I will say I love you. Even with me being pregnant I STILL don't want this dang baby, but I just as abortion was not an option, giving up, killing, abusing or neglecting my baby is NOT an option neither. I am going to put my big girl panties on and take care of my baby, who lnows my feelings may change once the baby come.
One thing no one ever told me was that hormones will make you feel looney, and the changes is your body would have you want to die an early death. I had pain or discomfort so being pregnant is not fun ladies. Tighten those knees and be freeeeeee 🕊🕊🕊 cause once it happens you can't reverse it!
I've always thought to myself how fucked up it is that people have children solely to please themselves without giving it one thought! They have kids then allow the kids to live through Hell all out of stupidity and selfishness. I think this about my parents all the time and sometimes I just want to say you two had no place procreating!!! I would rather not of been conceived! People really don't think about it at all because it is engrained in our society.
Do you know how many times I was told "you will change your mind" or "I guarantee you'll want kids when you're older"??? I knew I didn't want children from a very young age and when I was a teen and in my early 20s women would always tell me that I basically didn't know what I wanted in life! Its really annoying and rude to assume every women on earth wants children and that we need to have children! I see people all the time saying things to women like "when are you guys going to have a baby?" or "I can't wait until you two get pregnant" or "you'll be such a good mother" and saying these things to strangers like youtubers for example. Like Wtf??? Who said they want to be a mother or want to get pregnant! I'm 31 and STILL no kids and I ain't having any still!
My mom said I was selfish for not wanting a kid. They always say “what if your husband wants a kid?” Okay well I’m not gonna have a kid for the sake of someone else? That’s not fair to me. He married me knowing I didn’t want kids soooo. I also get told I’m gonna change my mind and yea maybe I might but I just don’t feel like I’ll ever have that desire to have a child. But also don’t just assume? Not every one changes their mind. I got my coworker showing me videos of her grandkids to try and change my mind. It didn’t.
I'm 18 and I'm in a relationship with a 53 year old and we both aren't interested in having any kids! We been through so much had to deal with lots or trouble. We know we want to live the rest of our lives happy. And that's the same with everyone. ❤
I honestly don't like kids. Loud and annoying BUT ... I'm still going to have them.
Why? Cos they grow up. I like kids 9 and up. Teenaged are rad. And adult kids I get to hang out with will be awesome!
It's going to be the hardest thing I'll ever do in my life. Ever. I sometimes think I'm too crazy or lazy or weak... But I'm going to try!!
A 14 year old should allow her self to have the space to grow. Not sitting around thinking about if she dose or doesn’t want children. Lol that’s what I would tell her.
I’m 19 and don’t want kids. But that could change? Maybe?
Why dose everyone have to be so left or right on certain issues. “Maybe, in the future” is a great answer as well.
I see nothing wrong with anyone who doesn't want kids anymore than I see anything wrong with anyone who wants to be single or anything of the sort. First off, it's nobody's business. Second, it's your life, not theirs and you're not affecting anybody's life in anyway by not having kids. Besides, we have how many people in the world already? Not having one more isn't exactly gonna ruin the world. Plus, lots of people have kids for all the wrong reasons be it for their own benefit financially, for image or the most common and popular reason in the world, peer pressure. I don't want kids either. I like kids, but don't want any of my own and people can take that however they want. People use to bug me like crazy telling me I'll have kids one day or I'm selfish for not wanting kids, pick an answer. Nobody knows your future and shouldn't talk to you like they do or tell you what you should or shouldn't do. They have their opinions, but you have your life and you decide what to do with it.
I am 26 and i don't want kids not now,not in the future. But people around me keep telling me that i will have one and you will not allow anyone to touch them and you will love them more than anything and all those stuffs... So,i have bet with more than 10people (around 1lakh rupees)about me not having kids Ever.. They were like may be for money you will force yourself not to have one... And I'm like"i am not having a freaking one ever ok?"
People who have kids are jealous of people who don't. Don't get me wrong children can be a blessing but can also be a hindrance. I wouldn't want kids for nothing in the world. I like my money and freedom too DAMN MUCH!!!!
Liberal education, making people think they are an accident monkey, destroys society. This idea has already been debunked by other scientists, who dont get promoted by the mafia who currently owns the allot of the major media and wants to kill people.
Nothing wrong with that I have a sister in law who is married no kids didn’t even want any she and her husband have a great life and don’t have to be held down by having kids she told me that she’s got all of our kids and grandchildren to see more and more people in today’s society are choosing not to have kids I love mine and my grandkids but in honesty if I was pregnant right now I wouldn’t have it
I feel like most men (not all) don't want to stick around to raise a child with a woman (let alone stick around with one women period). I naturally want one deep down in my soul (even to adopt) but I don't want to be the only one taking care of a child. Having a child with a man = Very risky and highly dangerous. Could possibly destroy multiple lives in the process. (Im sure someone could say the same with a lesbian or gay couple but I'm focused on the heterosexual situation.) Well there is my individual human perception that may or may not be different than others.
I don't want my future generations to be alone, and not enough population to support each other. Also, social security is paid by those who are working. I don't want my children to work like slaves just to support freeloaders with no kids like you.
Look at Japan it's population is *actually dissolving*. Looking at you stating these words certainly don't make you sound intelligent
I am child-free by choice because of these things:
1. My health. I am obese and suffer from poor mental health. I wouldn't ever want to inflict a mother like that on any innocent child! I would prefer to be a new mother of mid 20s with less than 20% body fat so that I could be slim enough to keep up with them when it came to playtime in the playground. Yes, I could lose weight, but my mental health is a big one. I have suffered from depression, and occasional bouts of psychosis, delusions from having a series of hallucinations. I'm currently just suffering from depression at the moment but it scares me that I might become severely ill again and I don't want to ever even be in children's company in case I confuse and frighten them.
2. My maturity. I have childish issues that are unresolved and parents need to be on top of their issues before having children.
3. My beliefs. Currently, there are c.7,612,640,000 people on the planet!! And that's by the hour and minute that I am typing this comment!!!! Between 1930-1960 the world's population grew by a third! In another 15 years after that, it grew another billion!!!! THEN, it grew ANOTHER billion in 13 more years!!!!! By 1987!!!!! During the 20th century alone, the world's population has grown from 1.65billion to 6billion!!!!!! In 1970, there were roughly half as many people in the world as there are now. With that in mind, and the extinction and decline of many species in the rest of the animal kingdom, additionally, deforestation, pollution, carbon footprints etc, do we really need the world's population of humans to grow anymore?????!!!! NO!!!! In actual fact, the world is being wrung out of its resources by us and I can only conclude that this makes us more of a pest to the planet than an asset. Now, if you REALLY want to be of use to the planet, throw your energies that you would have used to procreate into conservation of our wonderful planet's animals and natural habitats. It's really the very best way we can use what we have to give back to the world.
I realise that this may all seem drastic, but it IS my opinion based on the overwhelming evidence of global warming and impact that we humans have had on our beautiful planet. Before we can procreate, we need to respect our mother earth first!
I therefore encourage more people to actively volunteer never to procreate in order to preserve the future for the planet! There are other ways we can contribute to the world's future without having to have children. We can also do things that can sufficiently educate them into becoming wonderful green adults.
Peace be with all who read this 🌈✨☮
Child free by choice Almost.25 im married and i don't want kids theres times i do but it fades for so many reasons. I prefer my pets to be honest ❤ i feel amaZing not having kids . i love my nephews but i know they arent mine so is.perfect that way for me.
I agree 100 percent that you should not have children as it would save the world the dreadful prospect of someone like you procreating. Better if you just gently die off, thank you. Good luck getting or keeping a man with that attitude, though, assuming of course that you are at all into men which may not be the case. As you get older, your situation will be quite brutal though. Particularly with a jaw like that (you have a weird jaw... not attractive). Not that I care, mind you. Aside from that, congrats on the great video!
Yes, we are "shallow" (or more concretely, biologically wired a certain way). But that is besides the point. I have been that way since I was like 7 (before I could have been "hurt" by lover or whatever else you have in mind)... and guess what? We are more or less ALL like that. More to the point: if you do not offer looks or children, what the hell do you offer? Interesting "conversation"? "Emotional support"?? A withered up vagina? Money? Not that I care, mind you. Your business, not mine. Just telling you that none of that fetches much. If you do not know that already, that is.
So, men are are so shallow that they cannot love a woman beyond her looks. Useful information to know. Leaves me wondering how badly a woman hurt you in the past to leave you so bitter. Goodbye and good luck.
That is fine, but in the not so distant future he may not want YOU either. I am a guy, and I know these things. Our minds are oriented towards fertility: young, healthy women with nice hips and curves and boobs, etc. That is what we DREAM of. Not the kids, necessarily, but the fertility or promise of fertility - definitely. Look, I don't care what you do. No skin off my back. However, mark my words because the advice I am giving you is truly disinterested. Best of luck to you.
I`m white and voluntarily childless. 7.6 billion people and counting. Remember, we live on ONE planet. I know enough about ecology to be concerned about the impacts of a huge population. And yes, people in the West consume and pollute in dangerous amounts, so I definitely don`t consider myself as selfish (rather the opposite, since people who want children often hope that they`ll get a surrogate for themselves).
See. It's very easy to be hateful. To get your kicks from trolling. I am a good friend of Alix Mordant, who would never stoop to the above. But creeps outrage me. And I am so primitive I would like to meet Miller Henry for a face to face exchange of insults. What a petty little coward. If your children read what you wrote they would cringe.
Miller Henry proves that homo sapiens is a terrible misnomer. And no matter how much I loathe trolls of his ilk, I have to admit we belong to the same race. The only race. The human race. I have no idea why he persists with his sad hate speech - to justify his grubby breeding? Don't know nor care. I am only glad that procreation has a great amount of random mutation and that his offspring have a good chance of not being cancerous creeps. The world is overpopulated. Fact. HUMANS need to reduce their population gradually, rationally. Miller Henry, I hope your brain tumour finishes you soon, to give your children a chance at life without your poisonous drivel twisting them out of shape. Civilisation progresses with every funeral, after yours it would take a great leap forward - except your are a nobody without a shred of importance. And you bore.
Alix Mordant You know full well that "Western" is a euphenism for white people and moreover you specifically referenced whites in your comment. You would never say that Africans should stop breeding, despite their high birthrates?? Of course not. Because you are in it just for the virtue signalling. So, if you are so concerned about all those pesky high-consuming whites, why don't you lead by example and kill yourself? That would be more appropriate and brave than worrying about the environmental inconveniences caused by my children. Oh, and noone cares about your shrivelled up uterus, any more than we care about your bowel movements. What do you want from us? Validation? And as to your point about civil discourse, that presupposes a basic level of intelligence that you lack. You are too stupid, and so deserve no respect.
I think the problem with parents is that they had kids just to fill out their empty voids or they can use them as a trophy, kind of like hey I have a kid worship me for it crap,or to live through their child lives since probably they didnt accomplish anything in live pretty sad if you ask me..
I don’t care if I’m planning on being single and by having kids but one thing for sure is that don’t hate on children. They are innocent and young and they need help in life before they can make their own choice. So they be a hassle but every good thing has it cons too. So if you want a family do you, if you don’t want a family do you too!
I find kids like toddlers cute (yet I can't hold babies) But I just aint a motherly person everyone says I act like a uncle would even though I'm a female. I also want to own dangerous animals like pit bulls and snakes and when I was younger I never really played with baby dolls and I tend to accidentally make babies cry alot so.
Im 16 and my parents keep asking when will i have children and when i say i dont want one they say they didnt want one at my age and ill change my mind and that im selfish for not wanting kids coz they want grandkinds
When i think about having a baby, i just don't think I was born to do so. I just can't visualize myself in the future holding a baby in my arms, saying cute things and uploading photos on Facebook. It may sound selfish, but i wanna have control over my life 100%, i wanna take care of myself and my girlfriend only. Bringing kids up is something that requires love, you have to give yourself 100% and you totally need to drop out of some things that you love the most, especially when you're not a rich guy. I'm musician, I was born to put art out of my mind. Having a baby it's not something you can drop out of it whenever you can't take that anymore. Either you are fully into it or maybe it's not a good idea. Think about it!
I have no desire to have children, nor has it ever really interested me. If I tell people this (which I tend not to anymore unless they ask), I usually get one of three responses:
1) "Why not??!??" - a remarkably invasive question that most people think is entirely appropriate
2) Telling me that I'll change my mind one day - a verbal dismissal of and disrespect for my decision. I think I know myself and my life better than you do.
3) Actively trying to convince me to change my mind - again, see above.
What's very interesting is that almost only western women think linke that. Great, soon there will be nobody left in the west, because the west will become Muslim. Great future. Djihabs and headings everywhere.
Women who don't want kids are crazy. What if all women on earth decide not to have a child/children then humanity will end rapidly and animals like bears,goat birds, insects etc. will continue roam the earth and procreate because there not stupid.
A not all that uncommon scenario; 55 year old women who never had kids finds herself divorced or never married. At this point she'll find herself more alone than she ever imagined as she has no family for social events, holidays, or to simply hang out. Her beauty has long since faded losing any attraction someone might have had for her. Regarding relatives she'll always be a so-called third wheel and those invites aren't garanteed. She'll try vacations but it's no substitute for time with loved ones, and the craving for that human touch will lead to a steady supply of anti-depressants and booze in an attempt to dull the loneliness. We are indeed social creatures and generally don't do all that well when isolated. To the 14 year old and any 25 year olds; having children is absolutely life impacting. You have children at child bearing ages in order to have a life when you're 55 plus. And don't give me any BS about exceptions and outliers, they are exactly that and pretty much deviants from the normal.
I love it how we have a fancy term like "Postnatal depression", for what is essentially: "Oh shit, this is horrible, I made a huge mistake"
Childfree, forever. And loving it. I see the resentment from breeders, at my freedom, my bond with my childfree boyfriend and my pet Collie, and I can't help but smile inside.
Childfree by choice. I'm 27 now and I knew that I didn't want kids for many years. I don't like being around children and I don't want to ruin my body and life by giving birth to one. My bc failed last year during my monogamous relationship with my bf of 3 years and I got an abortion as soon as possible and switched to an immediately. I would get my fallopian tubes removed in a heartbeat if my doctor would allow it. There's no way I'm "going to change my mind."
You don't have to want kids, it's totally up to you. Nobody should guilt anybody or make them feel bad. But I am just surprised at some of the amount of comments who believe they cannot travel, have a career, go to college with kids. When I was younger I started my college and career, married later and now have two kids. With a graduate degree I work from home and my spouse's career calls for travel. We are able to often travel with him, thanks to having college/career earlier. We have professional titles, licenses and have finished graduate school and beyond. My point is that, you make it work when you're ready, if you want to. But why bother if you don't want any kids right? Well...I also can't understand this idea of not wanting to procreate because the world is already populated and defective or polluted whatever you want to call it...if you are of a certain lifestyle in which you believe you are helpful to the Earth, why not have children to be more like you. It's the other folks who are having children, the folks you don't care to be like. So basically, not having kids is phasing YOUR kind out "child free by choice" or not, where will your contribution be in the next 70 years. It's known fact that developed nations have lower birth rates, which means the world is being flooded from people of less developed nations. As smart as we are...lets REALLY think about this if we care.
So I’m from the south, Texas to be exact, and the traditional “Bible Belt” is definitely still a thing. My whole family has gotten married and had so many babies that they are exhausted every day, they have no time for themselves. It’s sad really.
I am 20 and in my senior year of college so I know things change but even if they do.. I don’t think my mind set on procreating will be changing anytime soon, or ever for that matter. I have a serious boyfriend of 4 years and he also doesn’t want kids (SCORE!). But my family won’t stop hounding me about changing my mind. “How could you not want kids?” “This is your purpose as a women.” “I want grandkids/nieces and nephews” blah blah blah.. but they never ask about what I want. Never “why do you want to be child-free?” or “If that’s what makes you happy, then I’ll be happy.” It doesn’t help that my older sister already has two kids and wants two more (that’s a whole bunch of NO) and she is constantly telling me that I will have NO PURPOSE. What do you mean? So my whole existence on this planet just doesn’t matter because I don’t want to push a 7 lb baby out of my vagina? It’s heartbreaking really. On top of that, I am a first generation college student... mainly because everyone in my family was too busy having babies and not thinking about getting careers to pay for said babies. Point is, I work my ASS off going to school and working full time so that I can make something of myself, but for what? I still will never amount to anything in the eyes of my family (and my boyfriends) and it’s so discouraging. Not that I will let them stand in the way of my success, but still. HAVING BABIES IS NOT A WOMEN’S ONLY PURPOSE ON THIS PLANET. So before you try to tell me that again, do me a favor and go fuck yourself. Thank you😘
I vote, pay taxes, serve on juries, obey the law, and otherwise fulfill my obligations of citizenship. I do not owe it to the United States to help repopulate it, especially when having children is a monumental investment of time and effort with an extremely low rate of return
I have always known I never want to be a mother and a wife because I am a loner. Solitude is the most comfortable, the most enjoyable state of being for me. When I was in my 20s all familly people were annoying me saying I will change my mind when I meet a right guy. But guess what, I'm 35 now, no kids or relationship and I'm happier than ever because of that! Spend all my time and money to enjoy myself!
The only reason why we live is to reproduce. Its the only way to keep our species alive. The reason why people get upset when you tell them you dont want a baby is simple biology. You tell them you dont want to keep the circle go around. If no woman (and men) wants to have children, we all will die. So telling people you dont want kids is a thread to our species on a whole different level. Its not an attack on you but the fear of getting extinct. But its also because not having a child makes no sense in a world were we only excist to reproduce. Its like buying shoes when you dont have legs. But I would not get kids anymore. I dont have kids, I will probably never have them. Its mostly cause I live in a shithole country were my children either get raped or murdered and i will never get a good job.
I don't want kids because I don't like them or it will interfere with jobs, I just don't want to pass on my genetic diseases that have made me blind in one eye at the age of 11 to be passed on, in other words I don't want to cause them harm stress or a source of bullying like it has to me. However I will consider adoption/fostering.
Take between 30 and 60 minutes (and up to 4 hours) before sex; works for about 4 hoursRecommended dose for most men is 50mgs; after that, dosage may go to as high as 100mg, or as low as 25mg, which may be prescribed for men over 65.Quickly absorbed by the body, less effective after a high-fat meal, and best taken on an empty stomach. Erectile Dysfunction Drugs Comparison Chart Compare Viagra, Cialis, Levitra
Take 1 hour before sex; works for 4 to 5 hours, and may be slightly more effective than ViagraStarting dose for most men is 10mgs a day, but men over 65 often start on the 5mg pill.Can be taken with or without food, although slightly less effective after a high-fat meal. Avoid anything containing grapefruit juice; it may make side effects worse. Cialis New Viagra for femalesAchat Cialis sans ordonnanceWhat if a woman took CialisGeneric Cialis cheapest priceBuy Viagra for cheapHow does Viagra worksViagra delivery UKCialis works goodFree Viagra order online Comes in two forms. The daily pill stays effective in between doses, but may take 4 to 5 days before it begins working. The “weekender” version of Cialis can start working in as little as 30 minutes for men who take the highest dose of the drug (20mgs); it stays effective in the body for up for 36 hours.Daily pill comes in both a 2.5mg and 5mg tablet; most men start with the lower dose. The use-as-needed, “weekender” pill comes in 5, 10 and 20mg strengths; recommended starting dose is 10mg,Can be taken with or without food. Avoid heavy drinking (5 glasses of wine or 5 shots of whiskey); when combined with Cialis, it can lead to headaches, dizziness, an increase in heart rate, and a drop in blood pressure.